ManU's Children of the Revolution

Ropey Altavista translation here

Source: Der Standard (Austria)


Das echte Manchester United heißt FC United und kickt im tiefsten Keller - Dort sind gar nicht wenige Ex-Fans von ManU zu Hause

Manchester - Die Kinder der Revolution feiern bei bitterem Bier und Essigchips. "Wer gibt den Entrechteten eine Mission?", brüllen 200 angeheiterte Engländer im "Swan & Cemetery"-Pub und recken ihre Arme synchron in Richtung eines Mannes, der an einer Flasche Beck's-Bier Halt sucht. "Nur Andy Walsh schafft das!" Der genießt mit einem schüchternen Lächeln.

Andy Walsh (43), ehemals Journalist, ist inzwischen hauptberuflich Seelenretter des Fußballs in Manchester. Er ist angetreten, einen übermächtigen Dämon zu bekämpfen. Walsh ist Chef des FC United of Manchester, einem Auswuchs der Protestbewegung gegen die Verwandlung des großen Vereins aus der Nachbarschaft in ein Spekulationsobjekt von Finanzinvestoren. Jetzt will er es den Managern von Manchester United heimzahlen. "Ohne Fans gibt es keinen Fußball. Das werden die da oben noch begreifen", sagt Walsh in den Katakomben des alten Wellblechstadions von Bury an der Gigg Lane, der provisorischen Heimstatt seines neuen Vereins, 16 Kilometer nördlich von Manchester.


Es ist gerade eine halbe Stunde her, da hat sich Walshs Truppe in der untersten englischen Liga für die Genesung der gebrochenen ManU-Herzen die Seele aus dem Leib gerannt. Fast 4000 Fans haben 90 Minuten ohne Unterlass Sprechchöre angestimmt. Sie haben Sir Alex Ferguson, den Trainer von ManU, verspottet und den FC besungen, als ginge es um den Europacup. Zu Auswärtsspielen bringt der FC United mehr Zuschauer mit als mancher Premier-League-Klub. Tagesgegner Daisy Hill wird nebenbei mit 6:0 vom Platz geschossen. Trotzdem war es der große Auftritt für die Daisys. Normalerweise verlieren sich bei Spielen der zweiten Division der so genannten North West Counties Football League, die der FC United nach zwölf Spielen anführt, um die 70 Zuschauer.

Es ist gerade eine halbe Stunde her, da hat sich Walshs Truppe in der untersten englischen Liga für die Genesung der gebrochenen ManU-Herzen die Seele aus dem Leib gerannt. Fast 4000 Fans haben 90 Minuten ohne Unterlass Sprechchöre angestimmt. Sie haben Sir Alex Ferguson, den Trainer von ManU, verspottet und den FC besungen, als ginge es um den Europacup. Zu Auswärtsspielen bringt der FC United mehr Zuschauer mit als mancher Premier-League-Klub. Tagesgegner Daisy Hill wird nebenbei mit 6:0 vom Platz geschossen. Trotzdem war es der große Auftritt für die Daisys. Normalerweise verlieren sich bei Spielen der zweiten Division der so genannten North West Counties Football League, die der FC United nach zwölf Spielen anführt, um die 70 Zuschauer.

Phönix aus der Asche

Die Geschichte des FC United of Manchester könnte von Charles Dickens sein. Der Ausbeuter der Working Class heißt hier Malcolm Glazer. Am 12. Mai dieses Jahres übernimmt der US-Investor ManU für 1,2 Milliarden Euro und setzt seine Söhne Bryan, Avi und Joel in den Vorstand. Der Deal läuft großteils über Kredite. Seine Schulden, 800 Millionen Euro, überschreibt Glazer dem Klub. Am Abend versammeln sich hunderte Fans vor Old Trafford, der ehrwürdigen Fußball-Arena im Westen der Stadt. Die Ruhe ist gespenstisch. "Es war, als hätten wir jemanden zu Grabe getragen", sagt Walsh.

Die Wiederauferstehung erfolgt noch am selben Abend. Im "Rush Home", einem Pub in Südmanchester, trifft sich ein Dutzend frustrierter Fans und beschließt, den eigenen Klub zu gründen. Die erste Satzung wird auf Schmierzetteln notiert. Ein basisdemokratischer Verein muss her, die Finanzen transparent, jedes Mitglied mit eigener Stimme, das Team ein Produkt von Volkes Willen. Zehn Tage später versammeln sich 700 Unterstützer zum ersten Meeting, zwei Wochen darauf sind es bereits 2000, die den FC United of Manchester begründen. Anfang Juli hat der Klub schon 100.000 Pfund von 4000 Spendern. Im neuen Fanzine Under The Boardwalk begründen Autoren wie "Lenin" die Wichtigkeit eines anständigen Aufstands und rechtfertigen mit Zeilen des großen Lord Byron den im Fußball notwendigen Hass. Unterdessen bekunden Fußballfans aus der ganzen Welt ihre Solidarität.

Für die Rekrutierung des Teams setzt Walsh eine Anzeige in den lokalen Zeitungen. 900 Spieler aus aller Welt bewerben sich. Nach einem Casting unter der Leitung von Trainer Karl Marginson bleiben von 228 eingeladenen Spielern 18 übrig. Drei sind Halbprofis mit einem Gehalt von 70 Pfund pro Match.

Eine, die den Jungs an der Gigg Lane von der ersten Stunde an zujubelt, ist Maureen Pelham. Als Kleinaktionärin von Manchester United hatte die 57-Jährige einen unbeantworteten Protestbrief gegen Glazers Plan an die britische Wettbewerbsbehörde geschickt. Jetzt verkauft die Lady im beigen Wildledermantel im Stadion von Bury ehrenamtlich Programmhefte zu zwei Pfund. "Das hier ist eine unglaublich positive Veranstaltung", sagt Pelham. "Der FC hat all das wiedergebracht, was wir in den alten Tagen bei United erlebt haben." Sie muss es wissen. 1957, als Neunjährige, war Maureen mit dem Vater zum ersten Mal bei ManU. Seitdem hat sie kein wichtiges Match verpasst. Auch nicht den Meistercup-Triumph 1968 und das legendäre 2:1 gegen Bayern München im Finale der Champions League 1999 in Barcelona. Noch immer hält sie eine Dauerkarte in Old Trafford. Bezahlen muss sie dafür inzwischen 608 Pfund. Trotzdem geht sie immer noch hin, denn "ich liebe das Team und hasse den Klub. Es ist eine Schande. Ein Amerikaner, der unsere Tradition weder kennt noch schätzt, kommt und beutet unseren Verein aus."

Für die Chefetage der Manchester United Aktiengesellschaft ist der Protestklub ein Zwergenaufstand, den Medien künstlich aufgeblasen haben. Die Spiele seien wie gewohnt ausverkauft, die Stimmung im Stadion könne besser nicht sein. "Ein Klub, der an die Börse geht, muss damit leben, dass sein Besitzer wechseln kann. Da gibt es immer wen, der enttäuscht ist", sagt eine Pressesprecherin - und wünscht dem FC United viel Glück für die Zukunft.

Andy Walsh ist vom Siegeszug seines FC United überzeugt. Während seine Spieler im "Swan & Cemetery" zusammen mit den Fans "Children of the Revolution" grölen, fabuliert er vom Aufstieg und einem eigenen Stadion. Nach Bury sollen die Fans nicht mehr fahren müssen. "Wir werden da spielen, wo das Herz von ManU schlägt - ganz in der Nähe von Old Trafford." (DER STANDARD, Printausgabe, Montag, 14. November 2005, Tim Farin, Christian Parth*)

*Tim Farin und Christian Parth bilden das Kernteam des Büros für Stilsicherheit, einer Kölner Journalistenagentur mit Netzwerk in ganz Deutschland.

MEN: FC star's international hopes

Source: Manchester Online
Stuart Brennan


LIFE-LONG United fan Josh Howard left the Reds for non-League spells with Stalybridge, Hyde and Mossley before arriving at FC United.

Now he has another ambition - to become the new club's first international player.

When the Manchester lad was at Mossley, the football association in Guyana discovered his grandfather was from their country - and promptly invited him to play for them in a friendly against Barbados.

Howard was recovering from an operation on a dislocated shoulder and had to decline - but he is due to meet officials from Guyana over the next few months to discuss an international debut.

MEN: Colne 2 FC United 1

Source: Manchester Online

Colne 2 FC United 1
Stuart Brennan

JOSH Howard has had a blast from Fergie's hairdryer - now he knows what it's like to go through Margy's mangle!

The former Manchester United youth team captain made his debut for FC United as they lost 2-1 in the League Challenge Cup to an injury-time goal against first division Colne.

And he found out that FC boss Karl Marginson can be as angry as the man from Govan when he sees his team lose.

"He wasn't happy," said Howard. "Perhaps he was a bit more constructive than Fergie, but he was not impressed with the way we defended."

The 25-year-old midfielder captained the Old Trafford youth team that included John O'Shea, Luke Chadwick and Michael Stewart, but fell foul of Fergie's wrath after he signed up with the United boss's least favourite agent Mel Stein.

Howard was singled out by Marginson as one of the few plus points on a disappointing afternoon for FC United and their amazing support - over 2,700 smashed the stadium record at Conference side Accrington Stanley's Interlink Express Stadium. But he will be missing for two weeks now, banned for a red card he picked up while with Mossley.

Punch

Marginson threatened his defenders with a shake-up after a game which ended in grand style with three goals in the last three minutes, followed by a touchline melee in which FC United's Rory Patterson was sent off, despite already having been substituted, for throwing a punch.

Said Marginson: "My assistant Phil Power tried to retrieve the ball when it went out of play, and one of their players tried to kick the ball away. He booted the ball at Phil who pushed him and then three or four of them jumped in.

"It's not something I want to see at football, especially when we have a big crowd like this."

It was nip and tuck, with FC keeper Barrie George pulling off two incredible saves in the first-half.

The goals did not start to come until three minutes from the end when Chris Clarke was allowed time and space to pick his spot and curl a beauty into the far corner of the FC United net.

Torpey replied with 10 seconds of normal time left - he tried to jink his way through the heart of a determined Colne defence and when he was pulled back, picked himself up to smash the free-kick around the wall and into the bottom corner.

The delirious FC fans were silenced again 90 seconds into added time as their defence was caught napping by a long ball over the top and on-loan Altrincham player Gary Williams raced clear to crash the winner past George.

Tony in a United Stand

Source: This is Scunthorpe

12:30 - 12 November 2005
Scunthorpe United's FA Cup first round tie at Bury last Saturday attracted 2,900 fans - a third of which were Iron followers.

Yet the week before, over 3,000 'home' fans flocked to Gigg Lane to see a match down in division two of the North West Counties League. Among them was a 36-year-old computer technician from Epworth who has been 'smitten' by a new football bug.

Tony Wilkinson used to be a die-hard Manchester United fan, following the mighty reds all over Europe.

But now he's happy to have swapped the Theatre of Dreams for the reality world of minor non-league action.

Instead of heading to top Premiership games at the likes of Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool, he finds himself getting out the map to search out the home grounds of clubs with delightful, exotic names such as Blackpool Mechanics, Daisy Hill and Castleton Gabriels.

Tony is one of the disillusioned band of Manchester United fans who turned their backs on Old Trafford when the American Glazer family took control.

They have formed their own club FC United who gained entry to the bottom division of the North West Counties League.

"We are nine divisions below the Football League - but we are happy and we are growing in numbers all the time." he insisted.

"It is a club run by the fans. Everyone has a voice - not like it is at Old Trafford now.

"Manchester United has changed. They are not interested in the normal fans now, they just want to cater for people with money.

"A lot of people were unhappy when the Glazers took over - and that's why FC United was formed.

"I had my doubts about it at first, but 4,000 people pledged money to the club when it was formed at a meeting back in July.

"For me, this is something that has been coming for a long time. The Glazers, and the way they came in, was just the final straw.

"I vowed never to go again to watch Manchester United - a club I had been a season-ticket holder at in my student days.

"I left to work abroad in 1994 and when I came back the atmosphere at Old Trafford had changed with the all-seater stadium.

"Football was also being dictated to more and more by Sky Television. No longer were games just on a Saturday afternoon.

"More and more money was pouring into the game and yet it was getting more and more expensive to watch.

"Players are getting huge wages and becoming more remote from the fans.

"I am sure that if most premiership players saw their wages cut in half, they would hardly notice it.

"Football has lost its soul and I was not enjoying it at Old Trafford.

"I wondered how difficult it would be to switch to supporting another team - but it's been easy.

"I feel I have fallen back in love with football.

"FC United is our club, run by the fans. We have adopted rules that we will never have shirt sponsors and we will never talk to agents.

"Our players are all part-timers and mix with the fans.

"Before one game recently a couple of the players joined us in the pub and had a coke with us. You would never see that at Premiership level. You could never imagine Rio Ferdinand or Wayne Rooney doing that could you?

"Gigg Lane is our home now. We have been getting up to 4,000 for some games and they have had to open a third side of the ground for us.

"It causes quite a stir when we play away at teams that are not used to handling a big crowd.

"It worried the police at first but I think now they know that all we want to do is enjoy the football and support our team.

"We have lost only once so far this season. How far can we go - who knows?

"At the moment I am just happy to be enjoying my football again with 'my' team," insisted Tony.

Pendle Today: Reds Have No Fear Ahead Of United Clash

Source: Pendle Today

NIGEL Coates is adamant his side have nothing to fear on Sunday.
The game Colne fans have been waiting for takes place at Accrington Stanley's Interlink Express Stadium (kick-off 2 p.m.).
But the Reds boss is confident his side can derail the FC United bandwagon.
Coates. whose side were without a game last weekend, said: "I'm really looking forward to it.
"It's a little bit different to the norm because I think everyone is anticipating a big crowd.
"It's not often you play in front of 2,000 people plus, but the lads are definitely up for it.
"I've had them watched and watched them myself, both against Nelson and Cheadle, and they will be tough opposition.
"They are full of UniBond players, so it will be difficult, but we certainly have nothing to fear.
"It is a game we know we can win, but then they will no doubt be thinking the same.
"But when all is said and done, it's only the League Cup, it's not like it's a big league game or a Vase match.
"Basically it is just a normal game – although there is obviously a massive amount of spice to it because of the opposition.
"Obviously we've tried to build it up a bit by switching the ground and playing it on a Sunday, but it is just another game for me."
A huge crowd is expected to descend on the Interlink, but it is something the Reds are used to.
Two seasons ago, Colne played in front of 3,215 in their memorable FA Vase fourth round win at AFC Wimbledon.
But Coates thinks it will be different this time around: "The crowd will be completely different to when we were down at AFC Wimbledon.
"When we went down there, I thought they were incredibly hostile and a few nasty comments came our way.
"But that isn't the way with FC United, it's all fun and games to them and they come to games to enjoy themselves.
"It's all very good humoured with them, but whether they change their tune when they are losing is another thing!
"It remains to be seen whether they change or not, but one thing is for sure that Sunday will be a very good atmosphere."
On the squad front, the Reds have drafted in Clitheroe pair Russell Clarke and Owen Roberts, but Adam Kozlowski has left for Rossendale.
Coates added: "Adam has left to rejoin his former manager Derek Egan at Rossendale, who has just taken over from Mark Molyneux.
"But we have brought in Russ Clarke from Clitheroe, and now we've followed that up with Owen Roberts.
"Owen played at Port Vale up until the end of last season when he was released from his professional contract.
"He went to Clitheroe in the summer but hasn't really broken through there.
"He can play at left back or on the left of midfield, which gives us a bit of cover for Paul Forsyth when he is at college during the week.
"He's got a good work ethic and a decent left foot, and not only that, but he is another local lad which makes things easier for us.
"Russ will probably start on Sunday as well, but I'm not too sure about Owen just yet."
On Tuesday night, Colne travel to Leigh RMI in the Lancashire Co-Operatives Trophy (kick-off 7-45 p.m.), and he added: "It's always different against teams from the Conference North and UniBond Premier because games are played at such a fast pace.
"It's all about fitness at that level, and games are so fast and furious it's unreal.
"I think we can hold our own on Tuesday in terms of the football that is played, but their fitness might just be the telling factor.
We are a big, strong side and that might be an advantage for us, but if we switch off at any point we are going to get beat.
"We went to Southport two seasons ago and won, and went to Burscough last season and should have got something from it.
"So if we take that attitude into Tuesday night then we have a fighting chance."
11 November 2005

The Guardian: Sad passing puts the game into perspective

Source: The Guardian

FC United's Tony Howard joins the mourning for one of the men whose tireless work helped establish the club

Wednesday November 9, 2005

It was a sad week for FC United of Manchester as one of the driving forces behind the formation and running of the club passed away. Board member Russell Delaney died following a long illness on Tuesday, the day before the club's North West Counties Division Two fixture with Chadderton was postponed due to a waterlogged pitch.

Russ was a popular figure who was instrumental in Manchester United fans' seeing off Rupert Murdoch in 1999 and the battle against Malcolm Glazer, before working tirelessly behind the scenes to set up the new club.


His belief that fans should be the most important part of any football club is the very essence of what FC United stands for, and without his expertise as a financial advisor and his contacts within the game, the club may never have got off the ground.

Despite his ill health he travelled from his home in the south east to Manchester for months on end. He was invaluable in earning the support of the Football Association and getting the club accepted in the North West Counties League, as well as calling on past experience to negotiate the player's contracts.

He will be sadly missed by everyone who follows both Uniteds. As FC's general manager Andy Walsh said: "The United family and football itself are poorer for his passing."

Wednesday's clash with Chadderton was therefore set to be an emotional occasion - until the Manchester weather intervened. Gigg Lane was soaked and at around 11am the match was postponed; the word spread, but inevitably some supporters still turned up expecting a football match. However, all was not lost, and a complimentary curry was laid on and the management and players were on hand to hold an impromptu meet and greet session.

Then on Saturday, a bumper 2,000-plus crowd saw a drab 0-0 draw against Eccleshall and FC miss a chance to go five points clear at the top. But any disappointment was put into perspective as players wore black armbands in memory of one of the men who helped put them on that pitch in the first place.

Eccleshall 0 FCUM 0

No pass for this game, so only a couple of snaps... click here

FC United, la start-up du foot

Ropey Altavista Translation Here

Source: L'Humanite

Manchester (Angleterre),

envoyé spécial.

Le football est né en Angleterre. C’est encore outre-Manche qu’il se réinvente. Pour découvrir la dernière évolution de ce sport, il faut se rendre à Manchester. À deux pas de la gare principale de Picadilly, le FC United of Manchester (FCUOM) a pris ses quartiers en plein centre-ville. Ce n’est pas une création anodine dans ce haut lieu du ballon rond britannique. À Manchester trônent déjà les institutions Manchester United, City et Bolton, soit trois des sept actuels leaders de la Premier League. Malgré ses dix divisions d’écart, le FCUOM est pourtant quasi aussi connu que ses trois aînés. Car il est le fruit du rejet de tout ce qu’est devenu le football moderne.

créer un club

fait pour durer

L’acte fondateur du club est sans détour : « Le FC United of Manchester est un nouveau club de foot fondé par d’anciens supporters de Manchester United en rupture. Notre but est de créer un club fait pour durer, appartenant et étant dirigé - démocratiquement par tous ses membres, accessible aux - habitants de Manchester et dans lequel tout le monde peut participer. » Cet acte de naissance, signé le 5 juillet dernier, fleure la révolte. Celle d’un bon paquet de supporters de Manchester United qui ne se retrouvaient plus dans leur équipe favorite depuis son rachat par le milliardaire américain Malcolm Glazer en fin de saison dernière. Le propriétaire des Tampa Bay Buccanners (foot américain) n’a pas caché ses intentions de rendre encore plus profitable le club le plus riche du monde. Quitte à changer ses supporters en vaches à lait.

D’où l’idée de créer une nouvelle structure venue chez des fans des Red Devils en rupture de ban avec la première division professionnelle où certains supporters ne trouvent plus leur place. Mark est de ceux-là : « Derrière la création du FC United, ce n’est pas seulement Glazer qui est visé, mais la façon dont le foot est dirigé. Nous croyons à un foot fait par les fans pour les fans. » Aussitôt dit, aussitôt fait. Ces autres Diables rouges ont vu le jour en début de saison. Pas question dcette couleur à l’ennemi Manchester United. Pour monter une équipe, il a fallu puiser dans la principale richesse du club : ses supporters. Après un casting et l’arrivée d’autres recrues, le FCUOM s’est lancé à la conquête de la ligue locale, soit l’équivalent de la dixième division amateurs.

comme un symbole de la renaissance

Comme une vraie start-up, le siège de la formation est implanté dans une partie d’un ancien entrepôt remis au goût du jour high-tech. Depuis, le FCUOM voisine avec d’autres entreprises naissantes. Le 37 Ducie Street est planté au milieu des terrains vagues et des chantiers de construction, comme un symbole de la renaissance de la vieille ville ouvrière terrassée par la crise industrielle des années soixante-dix. Les United s’y sont installés...

Depuis le début de la saison, tout roule. L’équipe est solidement accrochée à la première place de la ligue. Elle défraie régulièrement la chronique en jouant devant trois ou quatre mille fans. Comme dans une start-up, la communication entre l’équipe et ses supporters-propriétaires-bienfaiteurs s’effectue sur Internet et par courriels. Comme dans une start-up, le business n’est pas oublié. Puisque le club est appelé à se développer, il faut générer des ressources. On peut donc déjà acheter en ligne le maillot de l’équipe, son bonnet ou son badge. Mais attention, « 100 % des profits générés vont directement et uniquement au club », rappellent ses dirigeants. Manière de préciser que, contrairement à Malcolm Glazer à Manchester United, les dirigeants du FC United ne se paient pas sur la bête...

Nul ne sait jusqu’où ira cette aventure. Il existe certes un précédent : l’AFC Wimbledon, en banlieue de Londres, qui vit toujours. Mais jusqu’à présent le contrat du FC United est rempli. Les supporters ont retrouvé une famille.

Stéphane Guérard

Whether we're 'splitters' or 'scabs' we are all United

Thursday November 3, 2005
Source: The Guardian

Tony Howard, one of the founders of FC United, explains why the current malaise at Old Trafford brings him no joy whatsoever.


The lack of an FC United match this weekend left time for contemplation and the chance to watch Sir Alex Ferguson and his squad slumping to defeat at the Riverside and in Paris against Lille. The results highlighted several issues for followers of the 'other' United: were FC fans pleased to see Malcolm Glazer's new toy struggling, or did it still hurt to see MUFC humiliated?

In recent months I've been regularly asked: "How do you feel about Manchester United now? Do you want them to lose? Do you still watch their games? Will you go back to Old Trafford if Glazer leaves?"

None have black and white, right or wrong answers, but I took no joy from United's humiliation. People can't get their head around it and accuse us of committing the ultimate sin by 'changing' teams. If anyone asks my colours I still answer 'Manchester United' because FC to me is another branch of the red tree.

Reds have reacted in various ways. At one end of the scale, Old Trafford 'loyalists' find FC a treasonable act - they brand the rebels 'splitters'. On the other hand, some gave up season tickets out of principal and label the 'wait and see brigade' as 'scabs' for financially supporting Glazer's regime.

The majority sit somewhere between. Many do both; they enjoy FC games that don't clash with 'big United' while still continuing their patronage of Old Trafford. Some may not have set foot inside the ground since Glazer's takeover and now follow FC, but will still watch Fergie's men on television too.

Whereas the fantastic AFC Wimbledon supporters had little choice but form their own club when it was physically taken from them, Manchester United fans have actually made the choice to 'physically' walk away and start again.

One thing is certain - whether we're 'splitters' or 'scabs' we are all United and most fans have remained friends whatever their personal stance. FC is as much part of the Manchester United family as Fergie's team, because the supporters make a football club, not bricks and mortar.

Outside the Green Door #3

Twomowers…It’s so plausible I can’t believe it!
Outside the Green Door

This is our town that wants to be a city
Did yers all see them ‘contemporary’ and ‘innovative’ “this is our city” ads pasted up all over the place? The marketing genius behind it is a London based blue season-ticket holder from Timperley called Julian who reckons it’s a poster that’ll make you smile whether red or blue. Now I know that Julian will say that any mention of the ads means they’re a success because they’re provoking debate so here I’m giving the blue ponce what he wants. But I’ve got to admit I smiled at the smart rotating one on the A6 in Stockport centre and smiled again when the one near Grey Mare Lane market got sorted but me biggest smile was for the one next to the Star and Garter on Fairfield st. near where prossers hang out. On close inspection it had a used joey bag stuck to its bottom right hand corner.

A bridge too near
These local away matches are right up my street, no not literally but metaphorically, but some of them are literally round the corner. However, Trevor, watch out if you’re going to these small towns giving it the big I am. You could, as our Kid (aka Jellmo out of unsigned layabout band Hedz Jellmo) found, be shitting on your own doorstep. When FC United forced Cheadle to play at Ashton (sic.), he was rubbing his hands together at the thought of a cheapo awayday out on the razzle-dazzle. He hit the chemic at 11 in the morn and by 5 in the afto is out of the game. Me mam who had just been to Cassons on the indoor market to return a pair of badly fitting slippers spots him on a bench with his head in his chips ‘n’ gravy and had to sort him a lift home – he’d have got the slipper but she’d opted for a refund rather than an exchange. Stalybridge native and UWS king of music Conrad Murray had a similar probleemo when FC had a pre-season friendly in his home town. Swaggering about Vegas like he owned the place with a can of Scandia Super in one hand and a king size Peter Stuyvesant in the other he was booting over bins with his cherry red docs in Staly bus station when his mam got off a 236 and promptly marched him home to bed. Luckily she let my bessy mate Connie out the following Wednesday to do his GMR show with bessy mate Tex Christian.

The Great FC’UM Bank-Roll Swindle
Anyways I’ve had enough of these FC United fookers. What a corrupt bunch of bazturds they turned out to be. Punk football? Well I wouldn’t be shocked if someone told me Malcolm McLaren was behind it all – a personal cash cow for a few mavericks behind an anti-establishment façade if ever I saw one. Grass roots? Fookin flash suits more like. The cracks started appearing when United’s marketing director Peter Draper exposed that the only difference between FCUM and MUFC was ‘scale’. It worried me a bit; the bloke obviously knows his marketing onions and then I start to read about the arrogant bully boy tactics, the team running out to Patti Smith’s Free Money and the truth behind FC – that it is based on a hybrid Stalinist/Abramovich model. And I start to worry more. Then a mate tells me he’s in this pub where the board are having an informal meeting and they keep going to the bogs together and reappearing with traces of sherbet dib-dab down their shirts. Spotted in Tesco Droylsden – a board member buying salmon with members’ bugs. To top that Eccleshall’s secretary finds a horse’s head in his bed forcing his titchy club to move their fixture with FCUM to Stafford. I wasn’t happy with this but needed to investigate further. After the game at Stafford the UWS editor smuggled me into the players lounge and it was like Booze Britain and Caligula all rolled into one. Players were buying drinks with cash from a shoebox clearly marked “MEMBER’S PLEDGES”. Champagne corks were popping after a 0-0 draw and Margy was strutting around in what looked to me like a ¾ length minx fur coat, like the one Tony Wilson used to wear in the Stretford End. There was more jewellery on display than a Beswick Hen party. And that’s not the end of it. For team bus read 14-seater stretch limo, 4 of, to cart around the squad and its massive entourage that makes J- Lo’s look like Syd Little’s. Don’t be surprised if you see these Derek Nimmos parked outside your local prosser parlour. To top the lot, the next day, I swear I spotted FCUM supremo – moneybags Andy Walsh speeding down Ashton Old Rd. in a brand spanking Fiat Punto looking like the cat that got the cream and almost running over a single mother and her pram on the pelican crossing outside kwik save. Yes FCUM, take a good look into the MUFC mirror and you’ll see yourselves, albeit smaller, like a wobbly dwarf, a bit like them mirrors on Blackpool Pleasure Beach.
twomowers {a} hotmail.com